


I Don't Want To

by ToTheMax



Category: Dream SMP (Roleplay Canon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, panic room scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:48:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28722372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToTheMax/pseuds/ToTheMax
Summary: He doesn't want to remember the way he's hurt everyone, or be forced to choose a side, or be talked over. He doesn't want to argue with his friends and have his pleas fall on deaf ears. All he wants is a fresh start, and he knows just how to achieve it.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 166





	I Don't Want To

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot tell you the SHEER PANIC I felt when ranboo said "there's a way I can forget" and started booking it to his panic room i thought we were about to have ranboo with 2 lives
> 
> But nah he was just gonna burn his memory books, which ALSO terrified me but less so. Anyway he didn't end up burning his books but I said "what if he did"
> 
> This is way choppier than I'm used to writing but hopefully you still enjoy it!

The burning cinders crackled gently before him, light from the small fire casting dancing shadows on the obsidian walls around him.

Tears streaked from Ranboo's dual-toned eyes down his dual-toned cheeks, the only noise in his small panic room being the gentle purring of his cats as they slept in a heap, tucked into his dog's side.

Although Ranboo was crying, he didn't so much as sniffle. He just stared into the fire, blinking more waves of tears down his face. "It's fine," he mumbled to nobody, although he would say he was talking to his pets. "The books were… they were just a burden, more than anything else."

He swallowed hard as the words left his mouth. Through the licks of flame, he could still make out the crude smiley face drawn on one of his memory books, the black ink angrily blotted onto the leather cover.

"It's his fault," Ranboo whispered, an eye twitching in an anger that started to rise inside his chest. "That's the only thing I need to remember. That this is  _ his  _ fault. I don't need any more friends, I don't need any more sides. It's just his fault."

_ But isn't that a side itself? Against Dream? Am I just making my own side? _

"No," Ranboo growled, grabbing a stick sitting beside him. He poked at the flaming cover of his memory book, sending another plume of embers up towards the top of his panic room. "No, this isn't a side. It's a fact. This is Dream's fault." He sunk his head into his knees as he jabbed at the fire again. "Not like it matters. I'll forget about it a couple days from now… like everything else."

He set the stick down, huffing out a choked sob. He went to wrap his arms around his legs again, but a fuzzy little head prodded at his elbow. Enderchest let out a tiny  _ mrrp  _ as they looked up at Ranboo with glimmering orange eyes.

Ranboo gently reached out, stroking the cat's cheek. "It's okay," he whispered, opening his hand for the cat to lean into. "It's okay. I didn't need any of them anyway. All they brought was problems. All I need is you guys."

His dog raised its head then, a drop of crying obsidian dripping onto its nose. Ranboo then realized that his hair was  _ soaked  _ with the stuff, and as he brought his white hand up it drew away with gooey purple. "You guys and maybe a shower, heh."

He turned his attention back to the books crackling before him. "Whatever," he murmured. "This is just a fresh start. I can crawl out of here with my dog and three cats, and start new with everyone. I don't need to remember how I betrayed them."

He finally sniffled, wiping his hand across his face and spreading obsidian tears over his eyes. He looked to his dog, who was looking at him somewhat expectantly, as if they were waiting for Ranboo to keep talking.

Ranboo coughed, a sob choking from his throat. "Y… You know that Wilbur blew up L'manburg first?" He asked the dog. "Yeah. He went off the deep end, and betrayed everyone, and blew up his own country." He curled his fingers around Enderchest's chin to scratch it idly as he spoke.

"Then he just got to come back to life. No memory of what he did, or who he betrayed. And everybody welcomed him with open arms."

His eyes started to sting now, a mixture of tears and the smoke starting to fill the small space. His breaths came in shorter, hotter.

"That's what I want to do," Ranboo said, looking to Enderchest as he laid his hand on the cat's back. "I wanna go to sleep, and wake up and not remember any of this. I don't want to remember how I've hurt everyone. I just want to start over."

Crying Obsidian dribbled down a lock of his hair and between his eyes. The flames were starting to die down, but he didn't care. The books were gone, reduced to ashes just how he wanted it. Even the angry ink-blotted smiley face was indistinguishable from the rest of the charred leather.

It seemed like forever when the last flame finally died.

With a heavy sigh, Ranboo scooped up what was left of the ashes, unceremoniously dumping them into the stream of water outside leading to the ocean. Afterwards, he dropped the stick he tended the fire with. "There. All gone."

_ All gone. _

Ranboo stared into his panic room, at the bare obsidian walls stripped of all the signs he wrote. The jukebox in the middle had dirty footprints all over the top, and his pets were now awake, but still sitting soundly and waiting for his cue.

As he crumbled to his knees, he felt exhaustion take him. He had to be  _ starving _ , he hadn't eaten in hours. All the running from L'manburg and back had really taken a lot out of him.

He laid down, and all three of his cats approached him curiously. His dog came to him then, worriedly sniffing his hair.

"It's okay," Ranboo promised them, taking Jeffrey and hugging him close to his chest. The cat purred in response, nuzzling his chin. "It's alright, I won't forget you guys. You're the only thing I need to remember." His eyes closed, and his words got more slurred as he dipped more and more into unconsciousness. 

"I don't wanna remember all the people I hurt… I don't wanna remember the way Tubbo looked at me. I'm not a traitor. I'm not going to be, not anymore. I'm gonna wake up, and be the new kid on the server again. Whoever I find first… I'll be their friend."

He tries to speak again, but he's too tired. So, he paws his crown off his head, letting it clatter to the ground before settling his head into his dog's side. 

_ Goodnight,  _ he hopes his pets can hear.  _ See you in the morning.  _

* * *

_ Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. _

Ranboo opens his eyes, then immediately closes them when a tear of Crying Obsidian splatters onto his face. "Ow!" 

He sits up then, rigid yet groggy. How long was he asleep? A while, if the amount of obsidian tears soaking through his clothes was anything to go by. He felt sticky, like he had just touched a Slime. His head was fogged with tire, his eyes barely open. 

And,  _ oh God,  _ he was hungry. When was the last time he ate? Why did his muscles feel so sore?

"Where am I?" He finally whispered. His ears pricked at the sound of a jingling collar, and he finally noticed the two black cats and the siamese sleeping in a pile on the other side of this small, cramped room.

Then, he finally noticed what acted as his pillow as it stood up cheerfully. A dog, whose white coat was streaked with purple. Bright brown eyes shone, and a happy tongue lolled out of its mouth. 

"Uh, hey there," Ranboo said, gently reaching forward. "Are… you mine?" He checked the collar for a name tag, but found none. He  _ did _ find a small silver plate on the side that read  **RANBOO'S** . "Huh… where'd you come from, bud?"

_ "Mrrrow!" _

Ranboo lifted his head as one of the black cats pranced up to him, butting their head against his elbow. "Oh, hey… are  _ you  _ mine?" He checked the collar around the cat's neck, finding a nametag this time along with a silver plate with his name on it. "Enderchest, huh?" He looked around, noticing the opening in the room that lead to the ocean. "You know how to get out of here, Enderchest?"

Another cat, the siamese, trotted up to him as he stood up, pawing at his pant leg. Like the others, this one also had a silver plate with his name, and its collar read  **jjjjjjjjeffrey** .  _ Who needs that many Js in a name!? _ It then jumped onto the block of obsidian that acted as the bottom of the doorway leading into the ocean. It looked between the water and Ranboo several times. 

"Is  _ this  _ the way out?" Ranboo tentatively reached a hand out, flicking a finger into the water stream. It was a dull, barely noticeable burn. "Uh… what about you guys? Can you follow me?"

The other black cat and the dog both stood up, and now he was surrounded by the animals. "This… really is the only way out?"

The siamese cat pawed at the water, looking to Ranboo with expectant blue eyes.

"Okay, then… stick close, and hold your breath." He hesitated a little, staring into the water. He saw a salmon zip by, close to the sandbank that sloped upwards. "We don't even need to swim. We can just climb up the sand, okay?"

His dog nudged his calf, as if urging him forward. He realized then that his breathing was starting to quicken. "Okay, okay. Calm down, it's just for a second. Its just… for… a second."

He sucked in a deep breath, and before he could tell himself to stop he was in the water. He nearly blew out the air in his lungs at the dull pain pricking his entire body. A quick glance behind him confirmed that his pets were following at a brisk swimming pace.

His hands dug into the sand, churning it up as he tried his best to climb to the surface. It wasn't that far of a swim, but something about the pain– which had now started to sear– made it seem like he was miles below the surface. 

_ Ow. Ow. Ow. OW. OW. OW. FUCK THIS HURTS. FUCK. _

He felt strong paws push him upwards, and that was the push he needed to get up another step. A plume of air bubbles left his mouth, and he felt his heart spike with fear.

_ Wait, am I drowning?  _

He looked to his cats, who were all making their way up to the surface with ease. His dog was behind him, trying to push him up, even though it was clear that they were running out of air.

_ No, no! Hang on, I can get up!  _ Ranboo lurched forward, grabbing his dog by the collar and hoisting tooth of them up another step. The surface was clear in sight now, and as he reached his other arm out his clawtips brushed through and broke to air.  _ So close! I'm so close! Hang on, buddy! _

He wasn't struggling for much longer before his wrist was grabbed, and he was heaved up to the surface.

The relief from the pain clouded his brain as his face hit sand. He took in a deep breath just to cough it out. The only thing his ears registered was another splash of water and jingling collars.

Then, a hand on his shoulder. A voice, gentle yet panicked. "Ranboo!? Oh my god, are you okay?"

He opened his eyes, raising his head to squint at the figure silhouetted by sunlight. He breathed in and out, trying to get his eyes to focus.

"Ranboo?" The voice asked again, and their hand shook his shoulder. "Hey, you with me?"

"Uh, yeah?" He mumbled, looking down and then around for his pets.  _ Two black cats, a siamese, a dog… they're all here. Okay, good.  _ "I… I think I'm alright."

"What were you doing down there?" Ranboo looked up at his savior then, now that she had fully come into focus. 

Her hair hung on either side of her face in blonde streaks, the rest brown and running down her back. She was wearing a bright orange and yellow shirt with sleeves rolled up to her elbows, and light blue jeans. Her wide brown eyes shone with worry, eyebrows creased. Her cheeks were slightly pink along with her eyes, as if she had cried recently.

Ranboo huffed, taking his necktie in his hands to squeeze the water out. "Uh… I'm not entirely sure. I just woke up in there, with these guys, and…" water splattered onto the sand in front of him. "I don't remember how I got there."

The girl leaned back from him, taking in a shaky breath. "I've been trying to find you for the past two days! Nobody has heard from you, or so much as  _ seen _ you ever since L'manburg, and…" she swallowed hard. "I was just trying to say sorry. I said that I would fight for you,, and protect you, but I just abandoned you. I mean, I still did the right thing, but I knew you didn't want that, and…"

She trailed off, seeing Ranboo quirk and eyebrow in confusion. "...What? You don't think I'm sorry?"

Ranboo took in a breath as he shook water from his hand. "Sorry, who are you?"

**Author's Note:**

> I have no intention of continuing this but if you must know I imagine ranboo goes with Niki to drywaters and becomes a cowboy because that's what SHOULD have happened. I support niki's decision to go feral but as a ranboo stan I am Wounded.


End file.
